Written by Percival
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Saturday, 6 October 2012

image for Bolton braces itself for Yeti Floss Court case
Big Changes Ahead

Mildred Kundalinin Stainless, finally, and after many extradition applications confirmed her name, and place of residence in front of Bolton Crown Court today.

Mz Stainless was defiant in the face of the misconduct, embezzlement, and insurance fraud accusations. Reiterating her right to freedom of religion, and a deep tissue Shiatsu massage during proceedings.

Causing some of the worst incidents of New Age Terrorism to date. Mz Stainless, a former registrar from Skipton denies the core accusations of animal cruelty, category one trades description violations, and conspiracy to defraud the military.

Key to her defense is Beanstoker Ltd's supposed proven record in the fields of oral hygiene, and psychic surgery. From its inception Beanstoker Ltd's now nationally prohibited, Hand Held Third Eye Yeti Floss has divided opinion. Attracting unprecedented new age support, and equally virulent ridicule from all quarters of the religious orthodoxy.

Defense Barrister, Quentin M Likely Q.C, in an open letter to the press, listed the many satisfied users of Beanstoker Ltd's Hand Held Yeti Floss. The letter also stresses the right of any company with majority market share, to withhold key information pertaining to product production. Referring the reader to Loci Cola's now famous industrial Santa Clause 14 provision, and the right to cheap labor it affords.

The circumstances surrounding Beanstokers Ltd's biodegradable, non petrochemical floss still remains a mystery. Let alone the ability of this material to almost single handedly supplant all existing telecommunications technology.

The effect of Yeti Floss on the educated, and top grade income brackets, however, remains undeniable. Yeti Floss pouch bags have replace the touch phone, and laptop computer. At any one time vast swaths of the general public can be seen rhythmically flossing on public transport.

Due to reflex discharges the average Yeti Flosser has taken to wearing crape paper overalls, and adapted disposable nappies over their work clothes. Devotees claim signal strength is far better than any of other service provider on the market, and increased environmental humidity is a small price to pay.

Before the spring skip diving riots in north London. Were three Flossers died of exhaustion after a prolonged debate about the benefits of compulsory imprisonment for non taxable carbon carriers.

The BBC were drafting plans to broadcast a daily Floss specific current affairs program. Their first program was to be hosted by David Icke, guest panelists were to have included Georgina Rothschild, The Dali Lama, Kirt Vonngegut (Connecting via his own Floss link, in retrospect from a basement in Idaho during the 82 Presidential Election), Draco Macinley (Centurous Ambassador to Guernsey), and the Bishop of Oxford.

According to Floss analysts who are now subject to official secrets legislation, Beanstoker Ltd, Mildred Stainless, and this case will continue to attract much attention over the next fourteen years.

The presiding judge has already purchased the complete auto biographies of his three young children from Beanstoker Publishing. He will publish his choice of replacement over the next three days permitting a smooth handover in ten years time.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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