Written by Backandtotheleft
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Thursday, 4 October 2012

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Pictured: How Back and to the Left news want to go. That or fighting a shark

Eion Logon, 28, from Little Hambaconton travelled to Switzerland today to Switzerland to visit the Dignitas clinic. He had wanted to put a end to his life for some time but claims he just never found the time to do it. Mr Logon said:

"I get terrible hay fever and one day I sneezed all over a pizza I was eating. I just thought fuck this I'm going to kill myself."

So Mr Logon tried to find the time to end his life but it proved impossible. A busy lifestyle is unfortunately one of the pitfalls of modern life.

"Time and again I would go to top myself and discover I just didn't have the time. I mean I get in from work, have tea, check my emails and then watch whatever reality TV the BBC is trying to pass off as entertainment. Then bang before I know it, it's 11 O'clock and time to go to bed. When in that hectic schedule am I meant to kill myself?"

That's why Eion, 29 (his birthday co-incided with the second day of this interview) has decided to "out-source" his suicide to another country.

"I think that putting my suicide in the hands of seasoned professionals I might actually get round to doing it."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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