Written by Joe Leff
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Tuesday, 2 October 2012

image for University offers local pay deal
Is this real ale really real ale?

Bar staff at a Humberside pub could get extra payments - thanks to the unquenchable thirst of hardworking lecturers and professors at the local university.

Since the introduction of all-day drinking, senior academics at Humberside University frequently spend all afternoon in the nearby Philosopher's Arms. They argue that this is when they develop most of their premises, arguments and conclusions.

But university administrators reckon that most of their debates are about who's buying the next round and whether real ales are really 'real'.

To entice the drinking dons back to work, the University is offering bonus payments to bar staff in respect of each professor they refuse to serve after 2 pm.

Junior staff at the University are hoping that afternoons on campus will be a bit more bearable.

"Hull Brewery Bitter is powerful stuff," said one long-suffering research assistant who shares his cramped laboratory with the Professor of Biophysics, a renowned expert in gaseous emissions.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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