Written by IainB
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Saturday, 29 September 2012

image for Vegetarians call for a Bacon Ban
A picture of bacon

Vegetarians based in Altrincham, Cheshire, have asked for a complete ban on bacon following the alarming news that more vegetarians have fallen off the wagon due to thinly sliced meat than for any other reason.

"It's the smell of cooking bacon," said Harry Cowes, chair of the Vegetarians. "It drives people wild."

The Vegetarians have pointed at the blanket ban on all pig products in Israel as a way forward.

"In case anybody is even tempted to make their bacon from bits of pig," said Cowes, "they've put a blanket ban in place. I can see the headline: Pigs in Blanket Ban."

The Bacon Society have hit back at the Vegetarians by putting a hot food snack bar van across the road from the Vegetarians' main headquarters in Altrincham. They cook and sell endless bacon butties at vastly reduced prices.

"We've asked the police if they can move them on," said Cowes. "But apparently, they have a licence, and are perfectly entitled to sell bacon sandwiches at that spot. I think the police like have cheap bacon baps. Cannibalism, I call it. We're trying through the courts to at least have the fans turned off that blow the smell of cooking bacon in our direction."

With two legal battles on their hands, one calling for a Bacon Ban, and the other calling for the Bacon Van Fan to be Banned, the Vegetarians' funds are rapidly dwindling.

"I'm afraid we're going to have to double the price of broccoli," said Cowes. "And maybe even carrots. There's no point increasing the price of radishes, as nobody has eaten one since 1978."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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