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Friday, 7 July 2006

image for New living memorial to Hellfire Club's Queen Mother
New Queen Mother memorial in Scotland

Edingburgh, Scotland - (Associated Mess): The Euro-Septic Tories' top actress paid to impersonate Queen Elizabeth II this afternoon opened a new living nightmare to the Hellfire Club's greatest diva the Queen Mother after installing two of the nation's most successfully whitewashed war criminals - David Steele and George Robertson - into the Ancient Scottish Order of the Genetically-Modified Thistle at Hollyrood Palace.

The Royal Botanical Gardens tribute is described as featuring a Celtic Footbal Club labyrinth, modelled on a conundrum posed by the club's chairman Brian Quinn - the dodgy Scotsman noted for his astonishing evasion of testimony under oath regarding his role as head of the Bank of England's supervisory committee at the time of the London Bridge murder of 'God's Banker' Roberto Calvi in 1982.

The memorial features four 'secret gardens' - a reference to the four children that were born to the Bowes-Lyon impersonator, who include Valerie Hobson, wife of disgraced UK traitor John Profumo, the noted War Minister who shagged Christine Keeler and betrayed his country.

Other offspring spawned are dopplegangers who have made stellar careers out of impersonating extremely rich public figures, including 'Countess' Raine Spencer and global peace process luminary-wannabee George Bush Senior.

The memorial marks the successful conclusion of a two year collaboration between the House of Commons Select Appeasement of George Bush Jr Committee and its Scottish counterpart.

The unique design has been descrbed by some commentators as closely resembling the Chernobyl No4 Reactor in Ukraine - scene of a global disaster entirely avoidable if NATO security forces had had the guts to prosecute Bush Senior for outdoing Stalin in atrocities against his own people and crimes against humanity before his meteoric sliming into the White House as VP to Ronnie Raygun.

A memorial spokesman said today that the tribute has been designed with the intention of inspiring individuals and groups of all ages to emulate the proven accomplishments of the descendants of Joseph Stalin and Adolf Hitler who have occupied the world stage in various guises for the last sixty years.

The most newsworthy of these is Kim Jong ill - the 'sick man' of the dynasty who, despite his obvious shortcomings (5feet 2inches and less than a thumbslength elsewhere according to his favorite rent-boy), nevertheless managed to fire a ballistic inter-continental missile all of 43 metres into the atmosphere above the Japanese Ocean to commemorate his Texan counsin George Bush Junior's official 60th birthday earlier this week.

Some members of the House of Mountbatten have publicly expressed anxiety that the new Scottish memorial might out-do the Diana, Princess of Wales Memorial Fountain in London's Hype park in terms of sheer tackiness and lavish attention to hypocrisy.

But the memorial's designers have been quick to point out that the fund of goodwill for Diana commemorations has recently scraped the bottom of the barrel and is unlikely to recover....while the UK's Hellfire Club in conjunction with the Ancient American Order of the Skull 'N' Bones - Osteoporosis Division - has ensured that during the lifetime of its ultimate witch-finder-general George Bush Senior this is unlikely to occur.

Unless, of course, the brilliant Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald investigating the outing of the yellocake/fruitcake CIA spy scandal busts the whole lot of their assess of evil early next week.

Monday would be a good start to the week....

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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