Written by Crunk
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Wednesday, 26 September 2012

image for Chief Whip to attempt Knievel-style jump of Whitehall gate
part of a bike, similar to that used by Andrew Mitchell

After yet another abortive attempt by Andrew Mitchell to use the main vehicle gate into Whitehall, the two sides of the Gate Gate conflict have have been outlining their next move.

The police have reiterated their determination not to open the Big Important Gate for "some git on a bike", as "everyone knows that cyclists are not classed as 'vehicles' in London, and are routinely ridden on the pavement. Hence the side pedestrian gate is far more appropriate".

The Chief Whip, who denies swearing at police and calling them 'plebs', has vowed that if he cannot clear his name, he will "clear that bloody gate instead".

The party faithful are hurriedly commissioning an Evel Knievel 'jump ramp' for tomorow's attempt, where Mitchell will attempt to clear "as many of the plebs as possible, providing the Met Police are willing to lie down and know their place".

David Cameron has stated that he is fully behind the Tory Chief Whip, albeit with a video camera. The coalition confidently predict that the whole situation can be turned around as a PR success by releasing the video of the Chief Whip, soaring majestically over the gate, set to a forlorn soundtrack of Nick Clegg singing "I'm soooo (fucking) sorry"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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