Written by Skoob1999
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Tuesday, 25 September 2012

image for Local Man Hides In Shed Again Following Internet Beasting
Cristiano Ronaldo Playing Badminton With A Shuttlecock.

Notorious shed refugee, Martin Shuttlecock, who traditionally cuts and runs when the going gets tough, has apparently fled to the sanctuary of his garden shed again - for only the 345th time this year, after being mauled by way of a change by well intentioned internet users.

It seems that the trouble started on Saturday night, when Shuttlecock entered an eBay bid for a 1976 Rolls Royce Silver Shadow, of £19.50

"I wasn't being funny - it was all I had in my pocket at the time," Shuttlecock announced. "If I'd bid any more than that, I couldn't have paid for it. Unless I took out one of those Wanka.com payday loans. And that's out of the question cause I'm unemployed. Not to mention unemployable."

Shuttlecock's derisory bid sparked a furious response from Rolls Royce enthusiasts the world over.

"Is he taking the fucking piss or what?" fumed Rolls Royce enthusiast, Arthur Gibbons, from Stroud. "Nineteen pound fucking fifty for a 1976 Silver Shadow? I've a damned good mind to cyber-stalk the bastard. What a fucking pleb! I'm fuming me!"

"It's the funniest thing I've ever seen that tosser ever try to pull off," Jeremy Clarkson quipped. "He's got no idea when it comes down to quality second hand motors. He's about as funny as face cancer."

"Just leave him alone," long suffering wife Anne said. "I know he's a dickhead, but he means well. Although I must admit that bidding nineteen pound fifty for a 1976 model Rolls Royce Silver Shadow could be interpreted in some quarters as 'taking the piss' - but in other quarters, it's just a clapped out old banger. So to a degree, I can see where he's coming from. But anyway, he's locked himself in up the shed again. And I don't have the keys. Anyone for badminton?"

Which is apparently a game played with a shuttlecock.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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