Written by Tommy Twinkle
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Monday, 24 September 2012

image for Weather Girl Recovering Following Gusty Wind Forecast Incident!
A near miss is a miss.

BBC weather girl Hilary Kirkworm, 22, has now been discharged from hospital but says she is unlikely to return to work for a few days. Miss Kirkworm needed hospital treatment on Saturday evening after receiving several arrow wounds when presenting a live weather forecast from the London Television Centre studios at Shepherd's Bush for BBC's News Channel.

As Miss Kirkworm turned to a map of Great Britain to tell viewers of the 6Omph gusts expected across Britain during Sunday morning, tens of viewers around the country watched in horror as hundreds of arrows flew across their screens, some clearly striking Miss Kirkworm. BBC archers kneeling down off-screen in the BBC weather studio had apparently been given the signal to launch their arrows without realising Miss Kirkworm had stepped into the line of fire.

The arrows, meant to give viewers an indication of the speed and direction of the predicted gusts were supposed to pass safely between the map and the weather presenter, but it seems Miss Kirkworm had taken a step away from the designated safety area and so was standing too close to the map when the arrows came to be released. Although Miss Kirkworm has since apologised to the BBC for the mistake she made the BBC said today she may still face disciplinary action depending on the findings of an inquiry now being held into the incident. Explained a BBC spokesperson,

'Although Miss Kirkworm claims one of the arrows narrowly missed her right eye as it flashed by her head we'll be putting that one down to a miss so won't be looking into that, and fortunately the 60mph gusts predicted meant our archers launched their arrows across the map of Britain at a speed not powerful enough to penetrate human skin too deeply, just an inch or so. Our concern is that had those gusts forecast been just 10mph stronger the injuries would have been much worse. Also, in the same way that predicting British weather tends to be rather hit and miss at the best of times, the same applies with our archers.'

'There is a safety spot for our weather girls to stand on and it is there for a reason, but there's no point in having it there if our weather girls then choose to ignore it. Miss Kirkworm has suggested she be allowed to wear a suit of armour in future when forecasting windy weather. We've explained to her that our viewers want to look at pretty girls forecasting weather on their television screens, not look at girls wearing suits of armour.'

'Miss Kirkworm's other suggestion, that shoes be glued at the safety area for her to step into when presenting the forecasts, is something we'll be considering, though quite frankly if she's not up to the job then she'll just have to go. Miss Kirkworm needs to realise there are plenty of other pretty young girls out there who would like to be weather presenters for us, girls who wouldn't start complaining just because a few arrows stick in them occasionally.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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