Written by Joe Leff
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Monday, 24 September 2012

A ship steaming into the Humber estuary struck a football fan as he was trying to swim across the river on Saturday.

Todd Zarus (41), a life-long Hull City supporter, was aiming to watch the Tigers play against Scunthorpe United.

"I'd just missed the bus across the Humber Bridge," he said from his hospital bed. "So I thought 'Shit' - I'll just swim across. I wish I hadn't been wearing my City shirt, though. I bet the ship's captain was a shit-hot Scunthorpe fan. When I saw the ship steaming towards me, I nearly shit myself."

Mr Zarus had already been shit upon by a flock of seagulls as he waded into the water. And after he'd been hit by the ship, the City fan hit the shit discharging from the ship.

River police are investigating the accident. "It's a nasty business," said one officer. "But sometimes shit happens."

Hull City were beaten 5-0. "We we're shit," said another Tigers fan who had made it to Scunthorpe without being hit by a ship.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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