In a shock move the Health and Safety Executive has announced a ban on stairs.
A spokesman said that they had been considering this move for some time and had now reached a firm conclusion. Balls House, headquarters of the Labour Party, announced its full support for the move and the defence of the common working man.
The ban is due to come into force at 3 am on Sunday 26 September. Householders are warned to sleep on the ground floor that night or risk being trapped upstairs with no means of escape.
The move is expected to lead to a boom for plumbers installing ground floor toilets and black market stair clubs based in tower blocks.