Written by IainB
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Thursday, 20 September 2012

image for Superman grounded after air-safety fears
Put yer glasses on yer freak

The Man of Steel, Superman, has been grounded amid rumours he is unfit to fly.

"Thanks to WikiLeaks," said Federal Aviation Authority spokesperson, Alex Luther, "we know now that Superman is short sighted, and he does not fly whilst using any vision correction aids."

The FAA are unsure whether Superman is not wearing his glasses while flying through vanity, or through some other reason.

"All flyers who have some kind of vision impairment must wear corrective lenses at all times whilst in the air," said Boddy.

The FAA have done an experiment to see whether or not Superman could be flying in contact lens, and have come to the conclusion that he does not.

"Superman can fire laser beams from his eyes," said Boddy. "We performed a controlled experiment which showed lenses very quickly mist and distort when lasers are fired through them."

Superman is notoriously difficult to track down, so the FAA have issued a general warning to pilots.

"If you are in any kind of aircraft, and you see a blue and red streak, please attempt to get out of his way," said Boddy. "It is highly likely that it is Superman, and he's not seen you."

The FAA are amazed that Superman has not crashed into more buildings, cliffs or mobile phone masts.

"Should we be able to locate Superman," said Boddy, "we will ask him to either wear his corrective lenses while flying, or to walk."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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