Written by Backandtotheleft
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Thursday, 20 September 2012

image for Jesus Christ Superstar and Super Husband
An artist's reconstruction

An ancient fragment of papyrus has been discovered and it makes a thinly veiled reference to Jesus having a wife. It also says several things about Transformers building the Pyramids but that's apparently not as important as the Jesus thing.

The scroll makes several statements about an "important woman" in Jesus' life and it contains a list of ingredients for a religious feast. Some experts say this could merely be Jesus shopping list. The text reads:

"And as Jesus strode across the Sea of Galilee a voice shrill and piercing bespoke to our Lord. 'Oi Jesus don't you be getting your toga all wet! Remember were helping my mother move hovel this afternoon.'"

The 'woman' it seems also had stylistic tips for our saviour:

"Why do you have to grow your hair long? And that shaggy beard is so 23BC. You look like a hippy! You'll never get a proper job looking like that. Why can't you have a shave, short back and sides like that lovely Judas does? Now there's a man who's going places."

It seemed the lady wasn't too impressed at Jesus' miracles either:

"You call that a miracle? Our Kev lost his leg and he still used to get up at five in the morning to till the fields. Now that's a miracle. Turning water into wine? Don't make me laugh that's just a trick of the light that is."

Many scholars argue the existence of Jesus' wife opens up the subject of a woman's role within the church for discussion. Well, it would do if half the current priests weren't in court answering sexual harassment charges.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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