Sir Geoffrey Punt, prominent MP for the East Anglia area has come forward and delivered the most stinging attack on the UKs immigration policy.
"Thousands of foreign criminals and sex offenders are roaming our streets like packs of wild dogs. Preying on the weak, the infirm and the sexy these monsters arrive on our shores and are welcomed with open arms by our spineless government. All I ask for is a proper screening process at our borders."
The bloke in charge of boarder control couldn't be tracked down by Back and to the Left news. Everyone we asked seemed to point us in another direction eventually we stumbled into a staff room and started shouting questions at people. We got nowhere with this tactic until one of the younger members cracked under our relentless journalistic pressure.
"Look there's nothing wrong with our boarder screening process. We ask everyone who comes in if they have a criminal record. If they say no then we let them in, give them a wad of money and point them towards the dole office."
We asked if the officers on duty ever question the immigrants given answer, in case you know they were lying.
"Oh no we have to assume the truth. It's against someone's human rights to think they may be lying."
As we walked away we were approached by a man claiming to be the chairman of the British Union of Rapists and Sex Offenders a title he was way too open about sharing. He said
"There are thousands of foreign sex offenders working the streets right now. I went to the park to hide in the bushes and I was gang fucked by a group of thirty Latvians. It was awful made me want to change my life, but I didn't"
He scurried off to touch himself near a bus stop and Back and to the Left wondered if all of Europe's sex offenders were coming here. Could we send some of ours over there? Like a cultural exchange.