Amid the gathering storm over topless pictures of Kate Middleton topless on vacation in France, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge continued with their tour of Essex today by visiting the Stacey Solomons Island of Dagenham.
They were greeted upon arrival by Ms Solomons and whisked away for official visits to the Goresbrook Centre - venue for the first ever Mosconi Cup in the mid 90s - The Dagenham Motors Plant, followed by lunch at the pie and mash shop in the Heathway, and a quick loosener in The Bull pub on the Rainham Road roundabout.
William showed his gratitude by making a speech in local diallect "Gawd blimey guvnor, that cup of rosy lee was 'reem. Totally amazeballs. The missus is off for a vajazzle now, I just hope the pictures don't turn up in the Sunday Sport"
The Royal couple also met local racist, Mr Franklin Bishop, who regaled them with his bigoted 1970s style of jokes. Miss Solomons was said to have been delighted at the visit and told friends it was even better than the time she met radio DJ Chris Moyles.
The afternoon finished with a quick visit to the ASDA just off the A13 - as the couple picked up some reduced price steak and kidney pies for the freezer.