AMERICAN FORK UT (ABSNN) - Mitt Romney announced Saturday his plan to rid the US of 500,000 Muslims with the stroke of his Presidential pen. He plans to give to Canada the four US cities with the highest population of Muslims: Detroit (300,000), and the Muslim enclaves found in the Philadelphia-Camden-Wilmington area (200,000) along with the cities themselves.
"If there are 500,000 Muslims in that area, there must be Imans there as well. We know what those Imans teach, Anit-Americanism. I shall direct the department of Homeland Security to immediately surround those cities, dig them up, and then remove the cities, lock, stock and barrel across the Canadian frontier," he said.
"No one saw that coming, did they," he smirked.
Actually, no one said a word after that. But shortly after, Romney's handlers escorted the candidate from the room. But not before he finsihed with a flourish:
"When we get that done, we're going to round up all the Mexicans who are not Mormons and ship them back to Africa!"
Reporters were unable to understand anything else Romney said due to the gag his aides stuffed deep into his mouth. He was immediately hospitalized for "ass exposure."
The RNC announced that Romney would be out of the hospital in plenty of time for the November election. However, he will not be able to participate in the scheduled debates. Veep candidate Ryan or maybe Sarah Palin will step in, maybe.