Written by cheesedish
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Topics: british, drinking

Saturday, 1 July 2006

image for Concerns raised over Japanese binge drinking culture
Imposter booed off stage after attempt to impersonate Japanese premier

The Japanese Ministry of Karaoke was last night attempting to play down claims made by some observers that British levels of binge drinking were now being observed in Japanese society, something that would have been unthinkable even yesterday morning. However, following media reports of a Japanese gentleman attempting to sing Elvis songs while telling George Bush that he was his best mate and that if any North Korean lads wanted it in the car park after closing time he'd be right behind him, the image of an orderly and peaceful nation is set to be shattered.

Sources close to the Pentagon have admitted that a security breach had occurred while Air Force One was being deployed on a secret mission to pick up a sushi order from Tokyo and that a Japanese national, believed to be a Mr Junichiro Koizumi, had managed to climb on board without being detected, believing it to be a bullet train back to Kobe.

Secret service agents were alerted to Mr Koizumis presence when he awoke above the Pacific Ocean some two hours after take-off singing ‘Love me tender' whilst farting and being sick all over his seat..

Gun toting agents who immediately surrounded the inebriated intruder were however stunned to find their President in the next seat laughing out loud and telling them that it was ok and that he knew him. Despite being totally sober, the American president appeared to have bits of raw fish on his shirt, empty sushi containers by his feet, and ordered the agents to sit down and relax as his friend from Japan was coming back to his place for a night or two.

What happened next is unclear but it appears that Mr Koizumi continued drinking before reaching American soil and was said to be singing loudly as Air Force One touched down in Memphis. Unconfirmed reports claim that the singing was at times muffled by the sound of people fighting and interspersed with shouts of ‘Shut him up before anyone hears him' as the doors of the plane opened.

At this point Mr Koizumi stumbled from the plane and staggered across the runway with him arms held out in a confrontational manner while swigging from a bottle of sake shouting ‘Come on then North Korea, if you want some'

Although attempts by concerned secret service agents to placate their by now enraged Japanese guest proved partially successful it was only the timely intervention of the American President that prevented a full scale war breaking out between Mr Koizumi and ground staff who had been subjected to a barrage of abuse and half empty sake bottles being hurled in their direction.

However, despite his friends embarrassing behaviour, the President has reiterated his support for all countries who support democracy, binge drinking and being enemies with North Korea

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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