Prime Minister David Cameron has today announced the new members of his cabinet. Out go the old, and in come the, er, old, into jobs they know nothing about, mainly to afford them a substantial increase in salary and pension contributions between now and the next election.
The new Secretary of State for Immigration is Stavros Dalek. He brings a wealth of interplanetary travel and exterminating undesirables to the cabinet table, although it is understood that the Prime Minister has requested that Mr Dalek might want to be a little less enthusiastic with his death ray.
The late Mary Whitehouse has been drafted into the cabinet as Secretary of State for Entertainment. On hearing the news, she immediately headed off to protest about the film version of William Golding's "Lord of the Flies", because she felt teenage girls of an impressionable age might think it had somethng to do with the way the members of pop group "One Direction" wear their trousers.
As expected, the Fat Controller, sometimes referred to incorrectly as, and confused with, Eric Pickles, has been appointed Secretary of State for Transport, with particular emphasis on trains to ensure the franchise operators make as much money as possible out of the hapless public.
Michael O'Leary from RyanAir has been appointed as the Chancellor of the Exchequer, bringing his expertise at screwing money out of an unsuspecting public for absolutely precious little in return. His first task will be to redevelop the tax return, so that when taxpayers fill in the final box, the sum owed automatically inflates, so that the taxpayer ends up owing far more than they themselves calculated they did.