Written by IainB
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Wednesday, 5 September 2012

image for Queasy Jet to open third Heathrow runway in Altrincham, Cheshire!
Queasy Jet suggest renting air traffic control time from Manchester

The contract for building another runway in London has been won by budget airline Queasy Jet. They have decided that Altrincham, some two hundred miles away near Manchester, is the perfect location.

"On the scale of things," said Queasy Jet chairman, Steven Lios, "it's pretty close. It's closer than Melbourne or Los Angeles. And at least it is in the same country."

There is good public transport between the third runway and the main terminals at Heathrow's main complex.

"It's a simple matter of getting the number ten bus toward Didsbury, then hopping on the metro link in Altrincham town centre, and catch the London train at Manchester Piccadilly, before getting the airport tube. Easy peasy, easy Queasy."

Additionally, Lios believes that the move will be good for Altrincham too.

"I read Altrincham is the worst town in the whole country for closed shops," he said. "One in three shops boarded up. Well, we all know what comes with airports! Coffee shops, useless tat shops, accessories for mobile phone shops and burger bars. Absolutely perfect for a run-down town like Altrincham. I should be canonized, not slated!"

Opponents to Queasy Jets proposal have pointed out that Altrincham is in the flight path for Manchester International Airport.

"Manchester has an international airport?" Lios said, sounding genuinely surprised. "I thought that was in Liverpool? Why did nobody tell me? I could have been using that as Liverpool International airport."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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