Plans are well advanced for Boris Johnson, Mayor of London, to be buried under the new third runway at London Airport.
The offer to Boris of a seat in the House of Lords in return for his silence on the issue has been turned down despite the title being Lord Boris of Bam Bam. When Boris asked for the title to be Lord Boris of Bam Bam Bam, David Cameron stepped in to say the title was really silly.
A hole that appeared in Boris's back garden presents a mystery. Boris, himself, said he would not fall int it and even suggested that the hole could have something to do with the third runway.
However we have discovered that the hole was just the beginning of Boris's persecution. The earth for the new runway must come from somewhere and the earth around the Boris home is very attractive. Should Boris be scooped up along with the earth, by accident it is presumed, he would be conveniently silenced.
Meanwhile David Cameron has putting the finishing touchees to his Plan B: The opening of a Carvery in Witney.