Written by Backandtotheleft
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Topics: Scottish, alcoholism

Friday, 31 August 2012

According to a study, Scots are drinking less alcohol than they were a year ago. Scottish adults still drink (on average) 115% more than their English counterparts, but the drop is encouraging. It now means more Scots are using milk on their cornflakes rather than Fosters.

The benefits of reduced alcohol consumption will be felt all over the country. Especially in hospitals where patients are hoping surgeons will no longer be drunk when they operate on them.

Midwives are also celebrating the drop as it will ease their workload.

Experts predict Scottish roads will become 10x safer as the average Glaswegian driver will only be on heroin rather than pissed as well. Although less drinking does mean less tax revenue, the Scottish government have promised that there will not be a reduction in services. They said:

"Our one man police officer/fireman/paramedic will not be affected. Bill will still have a job."

Good news all round then.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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