Much like our national debt, claims for rural theft are on the rise. Nowhere is feeling the pinch (pun) like rural Wales, where thousands of sheep have been recorded stolen in the past year. The sheep, normally used as extra-martial aids, are feared to have been stolen for their woolly coats or even worse their meat. A farmer came forward to talk about the problem but stressed the importance of remaining anonymous throughout the interview. So don't worry Mr Coleman; your secret is safe with us! He had this to say:
"It's madness complete, total, batshit madness. How is your average hard working Welshman meant to unwind if he can't grab hold of the hind legs of his favourite Dolly?"
The police say they are continuing with their enquiries and are looking for someone "who probably looks like a member of the Dingle family". They have been accused of not taking the thefts seriously because the animals are classed as sex toys (like dildos or artificial vaginas) rather than livestock. A police spokesman said:
"We are completely and totally looking for the missing sheep. We will get right back on it after tonight's episode of the X-Factor. But in the meantime we advise farmers to take precautions."
Back and to the Left news cannot agree more with the precautions part. Promoting Welsh nation having safe sex with sheep must be a priority.