Written by Simon Saunders
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Thursday, 30 August 2012

image for Government Considers Bringing Back The Workhouse
A window in one of the new workhouses.

A leaked government document has revealed the coalitions plans to reduce our countries benefits bill.

The solution? Bung the poor and needy into newly established workhouses.

Government officials reckon all the UK's economic problems would be solved if everyone on job seekers allowance and housing benefit were forced into modern day workhouses.

One Tory minister claims that since the demise of UK manufacturing there are plenty of factories standing idle so why not put the idle in these factories and make them work 23 hours a day doing menial tasks such as cleaning rich peoples shoes.

Another Tory minister told us, in confidence, "Too many idle buggers are living off the state in luxurious houses with things like hot running water, doors and windows. Frankly it has to stop. Stick them in a workhouse and we all benefit, pardon the pun. It would reduce the benefits bill significantly and also free up loads of housing so my friends and I can increase our property portfolios. Personally if I had my way I'd just have them all shot but apparently that's not allowed. Bloody do-gooders have ruined this country."

A number of Tory MP's have proposed using the unemployed to build a third runway at Heathrow airport to keep construction costs down.

It is believed that Edwina Currie is poised for a return to government once her peerage has gone through and she will be in charge of the new workhouses or "Shit Storers" as some Tories have suggested as a name.

We attempted to speak to the Prime Minister regarding this issue but he was unavailable as he is currently on his weekly six day break in Tuscany.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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