Written by Football mole
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Topics: Olympics

Thursday, 30 August 2012

image for The Olympic closing ceremony that nearly was
Lady Thatcher prepares for Olympic ride on giant inflatable cock

In a potential embarrassment for Olympic organisers, a leaked LOGOC document has revealed showpiece items which were considered- but rejected- for the London 2012 Olympics Games closing ceremony.

A spokesman for LOGOC has expressed great concern over the find and is desperate to reclaim the information as it is thought that the Great British public would have preferred the contents of the document to the "biggest pile of horse shit the tax payer has ever been billed for".

LOGOC has also claimed that a 'spirit of inclusion' was behind the reasoning why all aspects of Britishness should be shown in all their glory.

In it, the ceremony begins with British Army troops in full combat gear storming the long jump sand pit which has an Iraqi flag planted in it. Just before they arrive to 'liberate' it, a trap door opens and Keith Chegwin dressed as Saddam Hussein flies out of a hole in the ground aboard a freshly launched Inter-continental Ballistic Missile (IBM).

He is then shot down using ground-to-air missiles launched by cast members from the popular sit-com 'Birds of a Feather' while Vanessa Feltz, Russell Grant, Bruce Forsythe and Margaret Thatcher fly into the arena straddling giant inflatable cocks.

This is followed by a lengthy parade of every single Big Brother contestant who are then rounded up and executed by a single shot to the back of the head.

Then, after an hour-long recreation of last year's summer riots, the show reaches its climax with Gary Glitter doing a two-hour set while a specially commissioned film depicting Fred West hanging himself is shown on a loop on giant screens within the Olympic stadium.

Most shockingly, however, is the proposed appearance of Jessie J singing a Queen song in an unparalleled act of blasphemy.

The spokesman, who wished to remain anonymous, has urged to public to treat the ideas as 'a bit of harmless larking about after the opening ceremony party'.

'People won't take this seriously will they? At least we've managed to keep Paul bloody McCartney out of it' added Lord Coe.

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