Written by Sidney Bollocks
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Wednesday, 29 August 2012

image for Princess Diana Honoured By Posthumous Awards
The National Award for Road Safety, which was not bestowed on Diana.

As the fifteenth anniversary of Princess Diana's death creeps up on us, there is little or no mention of her in even the tabloid press, as the media spotlight seems firmly focussed on whether Stephen Hawking wins gold in the Paralympics high diving event.

Diana, who gave her patronage to so many good causes, has, however, been recognised by a few high profile charities and organisations, on the eve of the anniversary of her tragic, untimely and premature death.

Bert Snot, who is the Chairman of the Walthamstow Society for the Care of Retired Newspaper Vendors, told us "Princess Diana was absolute bloody gold for us. If it wasn't for all those stories about her throwing herself downstairs, her eating disorder, the affairs and all those leaked letters, our members would have fallen on very hard times. She helped to sell papers like nobody else. Bless her. Anyway, we have decided to install a life-size bronze of her outside the Bengal Nights curry house in Walthamstow, in order that she is remembered in perpetuity".

Another charity, the Saint Tiggy Winkles Animal Shelter in Bognor, has made the Princess an Honorary Life Member, in recognition of her doe-eyed performance in that notorious Martin Bashir interview.

However, not everybody has seen fit to acknowledge the Princess. A spokesman for the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents told us, "This matter was brought before our central council by a member. However, given the manner in which the Princess died, we did not feel it was our place to honour somebody who was the victim of a completely avoidable and unnecessary accident".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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