Written by j.w.
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Wednesday, 29 August 2012

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Paralytic Contestant

The Queen opened the Paralytic Games with a double scotch on the rocks and suggested that Prince Harry should enter in the legless contest.

A drinking competition, which has attracted a world famous cast of Hollywood regulars for the Frank Sinatra Trophy, is to be judged by Prince Philip, who has been given special access to the substances being drunk. A Buckingham Palace sauce told us that Pippa is in line for the Pimms contest and is one of GB's main hopes for a Gold Medal.

As an avid reporter keen to get to the stories that will change world history I have been sampling the drinks being used by Paralytic Games contestants. My only fear is that some people might get sent home because of the misuse of drugs.

A major world crisis is feared because of trouble for entrants from countries where alcohol is banned. However a special Coke Prize is being featured for anyone who can drink huge amounts of the substance.

The arrival of the torch at the opening ceremony set a giant glass of brandy on fire to the delight of a Paralytic audience.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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