The Queen opened the Paralytic Games with a double scotch on the rocks and suggested that Prince Harry should enter in the legless contest.
A drinking competition, which has attracted a world famous cast of Hollywood regulars for the Frank Sinatra Trophy, is to be judged by Prince Philip, who has been given special access to the substances being drunk. A Buckingham Palace sauce told us that Pippa is in line for the Pimms contest and is one of GB's main hopes for a Gold Medal.
As an avid reporter keen to get to the stories that will change world history I have been sampling the drinks being used by Paralytic Games contestants. My only fear is that some people might get sent home because of the misuse of drugs.
A major world crisis is feared because of trouble for entrants from countries where alcohol is banned. However a special Coke Prize is being featured for anyone who can drink huge amounts of the substance.
The arrival of the torch at the opening ceremony set a giant glass of brandy on fire to the delight of a Paralytic audience.