Written by IainB
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Wednesday, 29 August 2012

image for Scouts launch the Bear Grylls Enterprise Badge
The Bear Gryls cuddly toy

With the news that Bear Grylls is using his position as head scout to make as much money as he can for himself before he is stripped of the title, the Scout movement have decided that this is actually a good enterprise for the Scouts to get involved in.

"We have decided to launch the Self Aggrandisement badge," said Head of Lancaster and District scouts, Arthur "Clover" Garlic. "This is in honour of the ethos the Chief Scout has instilled."

The new Self Aggrandisement badge will be run along the lines of the Dragon's Den TV program. Scouts with ideas to make money for themselves will come forward to a panel of chief scouts and attempt to convince the panel that their idea is worth backing with scout money.

"We have a huge pot of money just sitting around," said Garlic. "Mainly from fleecing parents over such things as woggles, pictures of their kids failing to start a fire and Scout branded merchandise, like Scout Cotton Wool Balls, which are a really good seller."

Where the idea makes money for the scout, the scout would then repay their start-up loan, plus a little interest, and keep the rest for themselves.

"If they make sufficient money to pay us back, and still have enough left over for a new mountain bike and a bag of sweets, they can have the self aggrandisement badge," said Garlic. "Where they fail, we asset strip their parents to get the money back."

Garlic likes the new scheme.

"It's win win for the scouts," he said. "One scout failed to pay back his start-up loan, and I've now got a shed full of carpet from his parent's house. I'll be selling that at the next bring and buy sale."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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