Written by Joe Leff
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Saturday, 25 August 2012

The public gallery at Peterborough Magistrates Court was packed again yesterday, after hundreds had queued to witness P.C. William Wordsworth testify for the prosecution.

Ten motorists were up before the bench, charged with minor offences.

P.C. Wordsworth - who has already won poetry competitions and an award for travel writing - opened with a riveting account of how he followed a speeding Jaguar for 5,123 yards along the "oft glistening tarmac of the A1, under a cloud-laden sky."

He later delighted the public gallery with florid descriptions of over-laden lorries driving through fields of golden daffodils, and had them spell-bound with tales of drivers who had refused to give breath samples.

"One driver was so ugly," said P.C. Wordsworth, "that when he stuck his head out of his car window, I arrested him for mooning. And then he started crooning - out of tune, so I beckoned him lightly and sternly cautioned him whilst he stood agape and aghast."

According to Black&White Publishers. P.C. Wordsworth's note-book will soon be among the best sellers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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