Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Drugs, testicles

Wednesday, 22 August 2012

image for Testes are 'Prozac factories' says report
One-man walking Prozac factory Kevin Skank pictured here at NHS harvesting ritual

London - Women who wear sensible shoes have always suspected as much, shunning their delights over 'chemical cosh' fears.

Those suspicions have now been vindicated as a report published today says anti-depressants and mood altering toxins are found in semen.

The discovery has excited the pharmaceutical industry and medics alike who are always on the lookout for cheap sources of drugs.

"It means men's balls could be routinely harvested by the NHS just like blood donations," Royal Freak Hospital consultant spermatologist Professor Einstein Flintstone said this afternoon.

"If only blokes can be persuaded about, er, needles...and stuff."

Researchers claim they've found feelgood substances such as estrone, oxytocin and cortisol in thousands' of men's samples extracted with consent.

Also in the test tube frame are 'antidepressant thyrotropin-releasing hormone, sleep-inducing melatonin and mood-boosting serotonin' says the report.

"Apart from samples taken from Tooting Broadway resident Kevin Skank, that is," Flintstone added helpfully, "whose sperm tested positive for cocaine, ecstasy, angel dust, LSD, cannabis, barbiturates, speed and tequila slammers."

Pete Doherty is 69.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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