Written by Ed Parnell
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Topics: Food, Police

Saturday, 24 June 2006

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A west London family are after Armed Police stormed their home following a report there may be some left over free food. The Tiresome family from Kensington had enjoyed a selection of pizzas, burgers and soda drinks with a DVD, when a passing pedestrain noticed there may be some food left over and immediately informed the Police. The informer was a fat bastard, and therefore Police gave his testimony some credence. "Obviously someone of that size, lumbering up the street like some huge caricature knows food when he sees it.". The mans' identity remains undisclosed, but reporters did manage to gain his first name. 'Sergeant'.

The spokesman continued "we received the call that there may be freebies on the premises and immediately dispatched several of our hungriest officers to the address provided. After smashing down the door, the located the food in the front room, and after the tear gas and tazers had been deployed, enjoyed a 12" meat feast, with the remains of the garlic bread and the rest of the litre of coke." Again, civil rights activists are up in arms, especially as 300 Police recently raided a restaurant in East London reported to have an All-You-Can-Eat offer. The offer was found to be null and void.

But a police spokesman said "We received a call and we had to attend. If we had not attended and the food would have been wasted then that would also have been wrong. We have to take each and every call regarding possible spare comestibles seriously, and act accordingly" he said.

At the same conference, the spokesman took time to remind the public of the approaching deadline of the so-called burger amnesty, where members of the public can hand in burgers, small or large fries, special sauce, dips and buckets of chicken wings to large officers placed in the foyer of most stations "The reposnse has been terrific, but there are still a lot of burgers out there in circulation" he said "I would remind you that if you are stopped and found to have a fast food item about your person, it will be taken from you and stored at the station prior to devourment"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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