The United Kingdom armed forces have been decimated by recent cuts with unforeseen consequences.
An average nuclear-powered hunter-killer sub requires a crew of 76 and a Trident sub needs a crew of 142 men and women.
The above numbers do not include the officer contingent aboard who are to be recognised by the number of stars they wear on their uniforms.
A Royal Navy spokesperson admitted that the situation is "serious" - and in Ministry of Defence parlance, "serious" is only one step down fromj "run and hide".
Recruiting will therefore assume emergency priority and personnel who can swim and who are able to demonstrate the ability to formulate a 12" Sub Bacon, Lettuce and Tomato Special will be fast-tracked to Admiral rank.
MacDonalds rank stars will not receive any recognition, even under emergency rules because, well, frankly, they are shite.