HM Queen Elizabeth II has been ordered to muzzle her corgis in public places and has been summoned to appear at the Central London Magistrates Court, in order to answer a charge under the Dangerous Dogs Act.
The move follows a vicious attack by two of the Queen's Welsh corgis, Daffyd and Blethyn, during which a terrier belonging to Princess Beatrice was badly mauled. Such were the injuries, the terrier had to be euthanased by a vet, whilst Beatrice was calmed with a shot or two of gin and some weed.
Following a formal complaint by the aggrieved princess, the Queen will appear in court to argue why her corgis should not be destroyed under the Act. The court case will make legal history, as it will be the first Regina v Regina case to go before a court.
A palace spokesman was quoted as saying, "Just as there is a hierarchy of seniority amongst the Royal Family, so to is there one for the pets. Nobody fucks with the corgis. Just nobody".
Until the court hearing is concluded, the corgis will remain muzzled, with palace footmen drawing straws to discover who will have to undertake the frightful task.