Written by queen mudder
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Sunday, 19 August 2012

image for Queen Elizabeth advertises for new husband
There's a law against incest George, probably rules you out

London - She's been quick to pack Philip off to the Hellfire Club's Final Daze Spa & Crematorium at the latest episode of chronic malingering according to Palace sources.

This weekend advertisements in the Autumn issues of The Oldie, Fox N Hound, Hustler, Rustler and Conspiracy Wingnutz News quote fifteen grand a year for the full-time appointment.

Payable in pre-1990 People's Socialist Republic of Germany Ostmarks the post includes 'perks' - such as sleeping in kennels next door to the royal bed chamber, food and booze plus a shiny new collar and lead for outdoor functions.

Applicants must bear a strong facial resemblance to the present incumbent 'apart from the colostomy bag' and other inconveniences of old age.

And agree to shave off all bodily hair ahead of a lice inspection prior to dunking in the Palace sheep dip.

"You'd think they'd be queuing up all the way to John O'Groats at this once in a lifetime chance," exasperated Palace comptroller Lord Luce-Cannon tweeted this afternoon.

"Not one bloody reply so far - apart from someone called 'Juilian Assange' who says he'll even bring his own leather leash and flea shampoo, heheh!"

Andrew Lloyd-Webber is a crafty old git.

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