Written by Nick Hobbs
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Friday, 17 August 2012

image for Aliens Abduct Digbeth Resident In Fiat Punto
An alien, earlier today.

Digbeth resident Harry Powell claims to have been abducted by aliens this morning.

Mr Powell, 53, was eating cornflakes at his breakfast table, when he claims a small group of extra-terrestrial beings invaded his home and tried to force him in to the back of an awaiting Fiat Punto.

'I have no idea where they were from,' said Powell, still quite shaken by the experience, 'they were green, and wearing shiny suits.'

'There were about four or five of them, it was hard to tell, they just came at me so fast,' he continued.

They overpowered the council worker and bound and gagged him, before carrying him out towards the car.

The aliens aborted their attempt at abduction when Mr Powell broke free from his gag and began shouting for help, alerting his neighbours to his plight.

Unfortunately all his neighbours refused to talk to us about the incident, but one friend of Mr Powell agreed to speak to us under a veil of anonymity. Unfortunately our veil was on loan to Julian Assange, so he settled for the cloak of invisibility.

'He's making it all up,' he told us from somewhere close by, 'he does this a lot! Makes stuff up, like. Last week he was supposedly offered a slot in the 100 metre final at the Olympics, but turned it down 'cause he couldn't find his trainers. Week before that he was employed by the CIA to do some undercover work with the American government, but his flight was cancelled due to terrorism.'

'I like the guy, he's a good laugh and all, but don't take him seriously,' he continued, 'he's a born bullshitter!'

When we confronted Mr Powell with the claims, he vehemently denied them.

'Preposterous!' he blurted 'I've never told a single lie in my life! I would never do such a thing! I've never been so hurt. Reminds me of the time I was accused of genocide and tried in The Hague! I cleared my name then, and I'll do the same now! Now get out of my house, I know what you journos are like, twisting the facts! Go on, get....!'

'And another thing, fuck off!' he hinted.

Make Nick Hobbs's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 1?

6 22 4 10
86 readers are online right now!

Go to top