Wikileaks boss and wannabe lothario, Julian Assange, is believed to be going stir crazy, as he has now been holed up in the Ecuadorian embassy for over two months.
Embassy sources claim Assange's mood has darkened further since he was granted asylum, as the press speculates about how he might be spirited away from the embassy and onto a flight to Ecuador, with none of the options looking like succeeding.
In desperation, Assange is believed to have called in World War II veteran, former Able Seaman Albert Seagrave, who was one of the tunnel rats who successfully broke out of Stalag Luft III, in what was better known as The Great Escape.
A Wikileaks source told us, "Albert managed to dig a tunnel from the embassy heading towards Hyde Park. The problem is that, at 93 years old, his sense of direction is not what it used to be. Unfortunately, his bearings were a couple of degrees off where they should have been and he broke the ground surface in the middle of the Round Pond in Kensington Gardens. Needless to say, poor old Albert drowned quite quickly".
Albert's widow, Flossie, said "I told him this was one tunnel too far. What with his advancing Alzheimer's and his gammy hip, he was always on a hiding to nothing. He always wanted to be buried at sea, but we could never have afforded that. This was a good enough way for him to go".
A police spokesman told us, "The Round Pond has disappeared. We are left with just a smallish hole in the ground, which we are looking into".