Written by IainB
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Topics: Prison, Holiday, Caravan

Thursday, 16 August 2012

image for Never leave the caravan park
There are enough caravans in the UK to cause a massive queue on the M6

It has been calculated that there are now so many caravan parks in Britain that it is possible to walk south down the coast from Edinburgh, and follow the coast all the way around to Glasgow without ever leaving a caravan park.

"That's a lot of caravans," said tourism minister Martin Whelks. "I had no idea that there were that many."

It has been shown that if every caravan from all the parks were lined up end to end on British roads, you would be stuck behind them while going on holiday.

"At the last count," said Whelks, "There are sufficient beds in all the caravans in the UK to house the population of a medium-sized European country. Such as the UK. With some spare capacity for the Irish."

All that can be assumed by the Tourism ministry is that some people have a lot of caravans.

"There must be, at any one time, hundreds of thousands of caravan beds lying empty," Whelks said.

As most caravan parks are constructed along the same lines as Second World War German concentration camps, this has given the tourism ministry an idea.

"We have decided to ease over-crowding in prisons by housing three-quarters of the inmates in unused caravan beds," Whelks said.

Not everybody is happy about this.

"Can't I stay in my overcrowded cell?" asked Tommy 'Fingers' Gunn, currently doing six years in Walton prison for illegal car-parking. "I might end up in Skegness! I don't think I could take that."

Owners of the caravan parks wouldn't mind having embezzlers, gangsters and multiple murderers staying in their 'vans.

"Be a better class of riff raff than normal," said one, who prefered to remain nameless, and brickless through his windows.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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