Written by CaptainSausage
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Wednesday, 15 August 2012

image for Experimental "smart" house responsible for death of lodger
As safe as houses?

A man who agreed to take part in an experiment to test out a new type of house has died, apparently at the hands of the house itself (although it doesn't have any hands).

Nick Rodd, a single man aged 26, moved into the brand new property in Surrey in June. At first he was reported to be very pleased with his new home, which is controlled by an artificial intelligence designed to adapt to the inhabitant's needs.

The house is not only intelligent, but also very green. All waste from the toilet and other plumbing outlets is processed in a biowaste generator, which also powers the building.

In recent weeks, Mr Rodd is said to have gained a lot of weight as a result of the house making him the wrong meals. He was reported missing earlier this week after he failed to turn up to work or the pub. From his Twatter account his last Twat was sent from his phone saying that he had been locked in the house.

Detectives broke into the property but could not find any trace of Mr Rodd except for an unusual set of handprints on the toilet bowl. Scientist Frank Holme, who designed the house, says that he suspects that it may have developed a taste for human flesh and "digested" Mr Rodd.

He added that he wishes to continue the experiment by putting another tenant in the house. According to him, a new form of intelligence is developing in the property, which could even be defined as alive. "Perhaps we should feed it," he said sinisterly.

However, police have said that the house must be destroyed, and have contacted local veterinarians to seek ways to kill it, possibly with a lethal injection of grout. One vet recommended using it for the new series of Celebrity Big Brother.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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