Her Majesty the Queen has decided that as from next Tuesday the river Thames is to be renamed the 'River Queen Elizabeth II' in her honour. The Prime Minister has been informed of the decision.
It was explained to the Prime Minister that she no longer feels she can trust Mr Cameron's judgement on such an important matter during this her Diamond Jubilee year.
Without firstly seeking her approval the Prime Minister had earlier this year made public the decision to rename a London clock tower in her honour. Contrary to what has been reported in the media, behind the scenes both Her Majesty and Prince Philip are known to have been absolutely livid at the choice, and had insisted that renaming of more appropriate famous London landmarks would have to follow.
Then yesterday Prince Philip is said to have hit the roof when he read in a Sunday newspaper of the government's decision to rename the Olympic Park in his wife's honour. According to our Buckingham Palace royal mole, Philip blasted, 'first something that looks like an old chimney stack, and now a bloody sports field.' Our source tells us,
"The Queen is already growing impatient at the time it's taking for her promised new super yacht to be presented to her, a delay Philip says is deliberate, and now that he's found out about this latest Olympic Park insult, it's been like a red rag to the bull. He told Harry that if he happened to see Cameron at the closing ceremony last night to tell him that his grandad had said to tell him that if the new boat isn't delivered by Christmas it won't just be the name of the river his old green cabbage wants changing - to tell him his grandad said he'll see to it that the Queen will be ordering Cameron to get those bloody curves straightened out from it through London as well!'