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Sunday, 12 August 2012

image for Olympic Committee congratulate themselves on "not f***ing up"
Olympic headines: man takes part in race

The Olympic Committee have praised the London 2012 Olympics, describing it as "a sporting event" and "a thing that happened", while also congratulating the organisers on not f***ing up too much.

Olympics organiser Jebedee Olympic, great-grandson of Olympics founder Jean-Pierre Olympic said, "It's been like taking a really big poo. Sometimes you have to push hard and it's doesn't always smell good, but in the end it's a great relief that it's over. Then you only have to worry about wiping up the remains." He also complimented the voluntary slave labour which contributed towards the success of the £9 billion games.

He also said that the Olympics had been so enjoyable that they should be made a regular event.

Other members of the committee were happy that the Olympics had passed without any unfortunate explosions and that most people had at least pretended to enjoy it. A blanket media ban on negative publicity had partially helped, but the tabloid press are sure to lay into the event once the ban is lifted on Monday morning.

In for particular criticism are the fact that only British competitors were allowed to win gold medals. Also the audiences were full of crash test dummies and stuffed animals in a vain attempt to boost the apparent ratings. And only half of Britain's medal winners could be bothered to even mouth the words of the national anthem.

Thankfully the Olympics has been generally seen as a success abroad, largely due to fake press releases about how amazing it has all been and the mass bribing and drugging of foreign journalists.

So London 2012 is likely to be looked upon favourably. And best of all, now that is all over, everyone can finally shut up about it.

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