Written by CaptainSausage
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Saturday, 11 August 2012

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The Holy Grail

Dorking man Neville Wisconsin has claimed to have discovered the Holy Grail in Dorking itself. He has described the find as "a splendid coincidence" and the culmination of a life's work.

In June of this year, Neville was taking tea at Dorking Tea Rooms. He had ordered his usual Earl Grey Excelsior with milk, and when it arrived at his table, he knew that it had been delivered with the Holy Grail itself.

"It is a humble cup, made of poorly painted china, but there is no doubt that it is the Cup of Christ," he said, twitching.

Neville is a well-known local character, as well as a self-proclaimed "archaeologist and adventurer". He has seen Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade three times, it says on his personal website.

He claims that he traced the Holy Grail from Jerusalem to Dorking from what is known about Jesus' own history. "And did those feet in ancient times, walk upon Dorking's South Downs," he says. "Yes they did, and he brought the grail with him."

When asked for proof that the teacup he now keeps on his mantlepiece is the true Grail, he simply says that he has drunk from the cup and that he appears to be immortal so far. He added that he had not tested his immortality, but was pondering a suicide attempt in the next few weeks.

Mr Wisconsin is previously known for having discovered a threepenny bit from the 1930s on Dorking Hill. His grail discovery has been hailed as a triumph for amateur archaeology.

Also this week, a Swindon man claims to have discovered Jesus' foreskin in a packet of Monster Munch.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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