Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Harry Potter, Police

Monday, 19 June 2006

image for Fraud Squad say Rowling takes the biscuit
Taking the biscuit...Make-Believer Diva JK Rowling

London - (Re-Uterus & Associated Mess): Officers of the Metropolitan Police Fraud Squad have confirmed today that the woman publicly claiming authorship of the Harry Potter children's books is a convicted serial fraudster who has stolen all seven of the best seller stories and framed the real author for involvement with Taleban terrorism.

In a series of leaked reports, the Fraud cops have hinted that a covert Interpol operation was started after the 1997 death of Dodgy Di, aka the Princess of Wales.

Designed to weed out a cabal of mercenary terrorists hired by the Ancient American Order of the Skull 'N' Bones Osteoporosis Division who were paid to cover up Bonesmen's atrocities centred around the whitewash of the Warren Commission's findings, the police plan started to yield remarkable results when a blood relative of Camilla Parker Bowles soon began claiming authorship of the first two Harry Potter books.

These had been written anonymously by a well known British fiction author under the official pen name of 'J K Rowling' in an arrangement lodged with anti-terrorism spooks in MI5 just after Tony Blair took over his mother-in-law's mantle at No 10 Downing Street.

Police soon began watching developments centred around the etoilisation of a recidivist peroxide Scottish bimbo who was claiming a heart-rending poverty background as an oppressed single mother living alone on social security benefits.

Her cover story focused on the sudden metamorphosis into a brilliant children's writer after becoming inspired by Camilla's flowering as the heroic secret long-time lover of Charles Windsor. To the extent that she too suddenly flowered overnight..... into a bona-fide best-selling children's author.

A coterie of admiring New Labour PR pros suddenly began to congregate around the former jailbird and initiated a sophisticated promotion campaign built up around the remarkable fiction of her cover-story.

And so the fairy tale continued, culminating in the PR campaign of the New Millennium's first public milestone: the presidential election of George W Bush and the ensuing collapse of Texan energy giant ENRON, following a nine month gestation period.

Next, the blaming of a dodgy Afghani opium trader called Osama Bin Laden for sole responsibility in masterminding the 9/11 atrocity was a PR master-stroke that firmly embedded the fledgeling best-seller writer Rowling into the public consciousness as the Wholesome Goddess Reincarnated.

Soon the Big Picture fiction levels were ratcheted ever further up the Richter scale of disinformation and presented as the Queen's Golden Jubiliee, co-inciding with the Rowling coffers filling up with the flow of royalty payments, foreign publishing rights, film deals and associated public adoration of the Make Believer Diva.

But all the while the UK Fraud Squad watched the Rowling blockbuster bestseller grow and evolve , until the fiction of her fame and prowess reached its inevitable peak .....and the Bush/Blair co-alition named Saddam as the New Millennium's devil incarnate.

Today, neither Rowling nor her agents were available for comment about the matter. The Little Miss Goody Two-Shoes literary agency and publishers DoomsBerry were keeping tight-fisted as reporters began asking awkward questions such as "When did you first start to collaborate in this spectacular fiction arrangement?"

However, the bullish campaign appears to be charging head-on with an expected bravura performance climaxing next Sunday at a Harry Potter and the Queen's 80th Birthday Party children's comedy drama to be enacted on the lush lawns of Buckingham Palace.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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