London, England. Athletes at the 30th Games of the Modern Olympiad have been made to sign confidentiality agreements to hide the enormous amount of jewellery sold to them by Sheikh Mohammed Azawajib, a wealthy Arab oil magnate. The generous Sheikh also provided call girls for the United States team and also Ivory Coast.
People close to the London Organising Committee have expressed surprise that the richly endowed Sheikh didn't provide them personally with "Rollers" and some fine French champagne. "Where's my year's supply of Cuban cigars?" one Olympic official was heard to cry.
In breaking news, the kindly Sheikh is believed to have provided the Chinese team with 100,000 ping pong balls and the Mexican team with 500 bottles of Tequila. Talk about coals to Newcastle.