Written by Vatican McDowell
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Topics: Tony Blair, Hair

Sunday, 18 June 2006

image for Blair says "boo" not merely to Geese, but to a grim assembly of assembled spectral entitie

Tony Blair today reshuffled his cabinet in an unprecedented shake-up described by one seasoned observer as "akin to the mopping-up of bloody tears using the lank hair of a month-old corpse". Former ghost Iain Duncan-Smith, clearly rattled by the shock changes, merely clanked his chains and moaned slowly, as the heavens span uncaringly above his grave.
In a characteristically bold move, the Prime Minister expanded the responsibilities of erstwhile phantom Hazel Blears, handing her department sweeping new powers of ecoplasm-dripping, medium strength haunting and overall control of "premonitions relating to unnatural death by fire".
These powers came from the department of the increasingly marginalised John Prescott, whose political career looks to be in increasing peril after he was walled up in an abandoned alcove formerly occupied by the pickled head of Malcolm Rifkind. His spokesghoul commented sharply to this reporter that "A plauge has befallen master John, like the cold of the grave it gnaws at his soul, soon he must strike back....or remain in this rancid purgatory for all eternity".
These remarks have been interpreted as a calculated criticism of the Blairite faction of the party leadership, which is seen to be attempting to entrench itself within the upper echelons of governement prior to Gorden Browns accession to the top job in the coming months.
After the removal of grey-faced Banshee Jack "The Carpathian Bronze" Straw to the furthest of the nether hells and the incident now referred to as the "abomination" of the spirit of Charles Clarke, it remains to be seen to what extent Tony Blair will be prepared to entertain his new appointees potential failures before he sees fit to remove them from the parliamentary monster-mash for good.
A rotting cadaver dumped on the doorstep of 10 Downing Street mumbled "It was a broadway smash...." before its jaw crumbled and blew away, like hope on the wind.
This reticence from the Prime Ministerial office can be seen as a challenge to fellow Labour spectres, he is saying, in his typical way; "now YOU be the phantom".
This phrase, perhaps more than any other, will be seen to be the watchword of the Blair era.

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