Written by IainB
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Sunday, 5 August 2012

image for Junkies target the over sixties
I robbed this one guy, all he had were conjunctivitis drops

Police have asked the aged and generally over sixties to improve security on their homes after a spate of burglaries have targeted this vulnerable section of society.

"Now that pharmacies have stupendous security," said Police Inspector Gadget, "drug addicts are targeting the over sixties."

Most old aged pensioners have more drugs in their kitchens, top draws and in pill dispensers that they take on holiday, than most pharmacies anyway. This makes them ideal targets for junkies looking for a high.

"I had all my tablets for the month taken," said octogenarian Elizabeth Windsor of Central London. "I wouldn't mind, I only have tablets for iron deficiency and being a little blocked up down below. I don't know what they're going to get out of that."

Police patrols are visiting all people of retirement age and assessing their drug collection.

"It's amazing," said Gadget. "We went in this one old feller's house, and I swear, if we'd found all that in a teenager's bedroom, we'd have nicked him."

Those that are likely to be targeted by drug addled addicts are being given the option of free bars on the windows, or paid for metal shutters.

"I misheard," said Arthur Earring. "I thought he said free bars for widows. I was all for that. I know one or two nice widows who'd have like to treat an old friend. And they don't get older or friendlier than me!"

In most cases, the metal shutters are the preferred option, as the police scare the aged more effectively than any door to door salesman.

"I'm petrified of using my iron tablets now," said Liz.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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