The Ministry of Defence today announced that IKEA had won the contract, to provide the Navy's next generation of economy wooden aircraft carriers. The idea of using the chipboard warships has angered many traditionalists within the armed forces, but the government say that due to defence cuts, its either this or nothing.
The contract to build the two flat pack carriers is thought to be in the region of £2m, and will create 4000 jobs in Liverpool and Sunderland, where the ships will take 3 years to be assembled
Almost 3500 skilled screwdriver and allen key operatives are to be taken on, along with 500 members of MENSA, who will be needed to decipher the assembly instructions.
To keep costs within treasury guidelines, the Government has decided against purchasing the 40 knotty pine Eurofighter aircraft, that were an optional extra.
When asked about the sea worthiness of chipboard warships, defence chief Sir Geoffrey Bachander told us, " Maybe this isnt the material of choice, but you must see that this is a short term fix until the country gets back on its feet. These things will only last for about 18 months before they fall apart, like most IKEA stuff, but it will be enough for us to remain a Navy to be feared around the world, and it will still be better than anything the French have got"