Written by K.C. Bell
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Thursday, 15 June 2006

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Tony Blair has decided to resign as Prime Minister and will be taking over the duties of director and manager at the newly refurbished Sainsbury Market on Oxford Street; adding that the lucrative salary and immediate store discounts made his speedy departure from Number 10 more appealing. Handed a fist full of keys, one of which would be used to unlock the main front door for shoppers every morning, Mr. Blair was heard to mutter, "Oh, that's just great."

Learning they would no longer reside at Number 10, have Chequers as a weekend retreat, limitless limousine and maid service, that her husband was out as Prime Minister, switching to a job in trade, Cherrie Blair became momentarily traumatized. Quickly regaining her composure, Ms. Blair immediately filed to dissolve her marriage, generously granting full custody of her children to her husband. She did, however, ask for the family cats.

The President of the United States finally got through to the former Prime Minister, asking why he jumped ship. Mr. Blair explained that he hadn't exactly jump ship, and was fully prepared to stall his departure from office for another ten years, but early that same morning, while in the process of giving his cats their fresh bowl of clotted cream on the back step, he was bending down and, "The door slammed shut behind me, and faster than you can say Margaret Thatcher, I was the new manager of Sainsbury's."

"You want me to send some SAC bombers to strafe the capital and get you back on top as Prime Minister of Old England?"

"It's England. How many times do I have to remind you. You've got New England, but that doesn't suggest we should be referred to as Old England."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, but do you want some boots on the ground in London? Humvees at Parliament Square? Ring Buckingham Palace with troops? Say you were overthrowing an attempted coupe?"

"It's coup. The p is silent. No, I may as well depart from political life with some measure of dignity. Sainsbury's has a good retirement program, health benefits, prescription drug coverage, two weeks paid vacation, I could rent a caravan....."

"Okay, Bubble Boy, let me know if you change your mind. I'm here for you. All it takes is a phone call, and it's war, and you'll be back in business. And I don't mean trade business. Should of never fed those cats that clogged cream."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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