An Olympic plea on the internet for more bums to fill empty seats has resulted in some strange outcomes.
Some people have asked how old the seats are and one queer query asked whether the bums required had to be men's or womens.
The problem at the Olympics, when special select bums decided not to sit on their seats, is embarrassment. Americans,in particular, have argued that putting bums on seats would lower the tone of the Olympics. 'If it's a butt you want' said Chuck Superman 'why do you ask for dirty bums?'
Fortunately Royal bums have filled some seats at the last minute and Boris and Cameron both wanted to be seen sitting watching the events.
The dearth of Gold medals for Team GB has caused a national crisis. 'If we don't get a Gold medal soon' said Jeremy Hunt 'I will have to offer myself.' But nobody believes him!
Unfilled seats, lost locks, no medals - the country is heading for the bottom.