Written by Joe Leff
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Saturday, 28 July 2012

Annual inspections of police forces reveal that more than 5,000 policemen have had cuts on their faces.

Although some are signs of knife attacks, the vast majority are simply the results of shaving accidents.

Most cuts were observed in Derbyshire, where bathroom mirrors are more susceptible to steaming up.

Many police officers blame early morning shifts. "Sometimes I have to shave and eat my breakfast at the same time if I need to clock on at 6 a.m.," complained P.C. Ray Zorcutt.

A Home Office spokesman said police officers are notoriously bad at shaving. "We shall be arranging special training courses just as soon as we can get sponsorship."

Some members of the public would like to see more bearded policemen, but others prefer the more blood-stained look.

To safeguard their police forces, many Chief Constables are organizing protest marches with banners proclaiming 'No More Cuts'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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