Written by Joe Leff
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Saturday, 28 July 2012

Thousands of people competing in this weekend's snooker tournament at Sheffield Crucible are being told they face a public transport ordeal.

Heavy crowds are heading to Sheffield bus station where long queues are expected. Most of these snooker players will have brought their own cues - many of them quite long.

Security checks are being carried out to ensure only those with little cues are admitted.

"When buses get too crowded, passengers grab hold of people's long cues instead of the hand-rails. This can lead to swearing and fights," said a Sheffield bus driver.

Transport Sheffield also wants people to avoid driving to the tournament, saying there will be 'no parking and no rests'.

Before the start of the tournament, all pockets need to be empty, and no-one will be allowed to bring their own cushion.

Right on cue, defending champion Axel Higgins muscled his way to the front of the queue. "If we don't get in, we're going to be really snookered."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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