Written by queen mudder
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Thursday, 26 July 2012

image for Top-heavy Kate dizzy under weight of £10,000 hair extensions
Already bald on one side of her head

London - "Underneath that Barnet she's practically bald," Kensington heirdresser Jonty Poppycock tweeted this morning.

"Probably got the same amount of active follicles as that daft husband Wills."

The celeb salon owner reckons regular top-ups have seen more than £10,000-worth of heir extensions skillfully planted on heirhead Kate's pate.

At lunchtime today in the Isle of Dogs she was looking a bit unbalanced as the sheet weight of those dyed tresses played havoc with walking in a straight line.

"The merciless London sunshine can be a right rotten bastard," Barking taxidermist Reg Barneycraft commented at his High Street Stuff 'Em shop, "when it starts melting all that hair extension glue.

"While it's generally effective on stuffed parrot plumage and indigenous British beaver fur at 30 degrees centigrade, it's pretty much damn useless on anything that moves."

The cost of a pet vajazzle at Barneycraft's taxidermy emporium starts at a bargain fifty squid.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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