London - (ReUterus & Associated Mess): Official state documents dating from John Major's administration in 1996 have been released today showing that the Pretender to the UK Throne Charles Windsor was warned as far back as 1980 that bigamy might invalidate any future attempts at marriage.
The papers relate to secret pre-nuptial agreements signed by him after Margaret Thatcher's hysteric 1979 general election victory, when MI5 ensured that a House of Mountbatten conspiracy to seize Crown Estate assets belonging to the Monarch and to then pass them on to any old grubby Hellfire Club royal wannabee would end in personal disaster.
The documents, released under the 9/11 Freedom of Disinformation Act, shown that the Pretender waived his personal rights to continue future polygamous unions with any number of horsey old slappers adept as promoting a thoroughly heterosexual public image of holy matrimony.
Much speculation in the UK media during the 1980s meant that a hush campaign was instigated by Buckingham Palace to quash rumours about the Pretender's sexual orientation, perversion preferences and criminal record.
These have now come to light and show that his 1981 wedding to Lady Diana Spencer would only have been legally binding under Sharia Law.
Accompanying video footage also released today shows both Charles and Diana on the eve of their nuptials, accompanied by a posse of lawyers, being briefed by senior Anti-Terrorist officers of the Met's Special Branch in a crypt below the Tower of London, and singing officially- binding waivers to any Royal assets, incomes and benefits in exchange for a freezing of their criminal records during the lifetime of Elizabeth Windsor.
Files included in this pre-nuptial agreement also show previously undisclosed bank records relating to Camilla Parker-Bowles earlier seminal career as a Colombia cocaine mule who acted as a financial go-between with the Provisional IRA during its Global Peace Process bombing initiatives in the UK mainland during the late 1970s and 1980s.
The documents make for interesting reading for followers of the Anglican Communion who might have otherwise overlooked some pesky peccadillos associated with the current Archbishop of Canterbury, who was treated at a series of private medical clinics some 30 years ago for a compulsive-obsessive disorder centred around performing illegal marriage ceremonies for convicted bigamists.